feeling~

yesterday...
happened a lot things again...
my secondary friends help me to celebrate my birthday as a surprise party..
it was really a surprise because i tot that it was a party for my other friends...
who knows this happen..

ummmm...
how to say my really feeling..
when i know that they celebrate for my birthday...
i should be very happy..
but..
i really didn't feel so..
i feel normal..
i feel that i'm very far from all my friends..
may be we didn't really contact dy ba...
there are many thing that i can't let them know..
they don't really know me and i don't really know them dy..
but anyways...
still need to thanks for the surprise party..

to be honest to you..
i told you that she came yst..
BUT I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT..
i tot you she came because i just don't want to bluff...
and don't want you to simply think..
plus i didn't did anything that bei pan you yst..
we just sit down and have dinner..
that's all..
I promise you that i won't find her...
and yes, i really didn't find her for so long..
i didn't contact her although she came and find me..
but last night we did contact awhile..
this is because i feel like to settle it straight..
I don't want to just send msg and ask her don't bother me..
because this way doesn't works..*she still came and find me*
* i admit that last time, everytime she came and find me..my heart did dong yao abit...but my last action still the same which is i ignore her. why i did this is because i know that if i reply, you will be sad and angry and start our arguement again. i don't want to see this happen and happen again. i know that this always happen because i didn't settle it properly. *
so yesterday i told her straight and explain to her..
because i don't want to see the same arguement came out again..
you are tired...i'm tired too..
I tot her that our situation just can choice 1 out of both...
this is the only way to settle this..
although i do hope that you both will be ok with each other..
but things does not work out and i strongly know that i won't happen unless it's mirical...
therefore, she know what she should do...
and she zhu fu we both...
although i know that you won't believe and don't even want her zhu fu..
but this is what i settle yesterday..

may be you won't believe it...
but i hope that you do believe and trust..
because all is true...